I'll Be Home For Christmas
by remuslives23
Summary: Sirius goes missing on Christmas Eve after an Order mission goes pear-shaped. Will he manage to keep his promise to Remus that he'd be home for their first Christmas together in their flat? Slash - blink and you'll miss it. RL/SB


_Hiya all! This is number two of three Christmas fics I've quickly 'scribbled' for the festive season. And I mean 'quickly' so I apologise for any mistakes._

_Thanks to the always wonderful and grammatically correct, **DragonDi**, whose perfect punctuation is finally rubbing off on me (my use of hyphens lately has impressed her greatly)._

_WARNING: Er, I'm rating this T - that should tell you that this is mild compared to my other stuff. Still, for those who are sensitive and still have morals: vague reference to a sexual situation._

_Disclaimer: All I want for Christmas is lots and lots of boylove...too bad JKR owns them and won't let them play together. (sulks)_

* * *

I'll be Home For Christmas

Remus Lupin sighed as he checked the clock on the fireplace mantle for the fifth time in as many minutes.

'Remus, I'm sure he's fine,' Lily Potter said in what was normally quite a soothing voice, but only served to increase Remus' irritation right now. 'He's probably lost track of time…gone with the others to the pub for a drink after work…'

Remus nodded, his mouth twisting into a tight, grim smile. There was no point trying to explain how he knew all was not well for his partner, Sirius Black. It was just a feeling - an oft-proven incredibly accurate feeling - but it was non-tangible nonetheless. It was a squirming inside, a hollow feeling in his chest, a knot in his stomach and the sensation of his skin becoming too tight for his body. He _knew_ there was something wrong, that Sirius wouldn't just blow him off on Christmas Eve for an evening down the pub with the boys. Not when he'd promised faithfully that he'd be home for Christmas - the first holiday they were spending together as a couple in their own flat.

Remus looked around the room. Sirius had decorated the one-bedroom, slightly rundown flat for Christmas all by himself at the beginning of December, surprising Remus when the werewolf returned home from his job at a Muggle café. He had saved the tree for them to decorate together, though, and as Remus watched the enchanted lights twinkle now, he ached inside as he remembered how Sirius had looped tinsel around Remus' neck then kissed him on his nose. Sirius had placed the gift he'd bought for his partner under the tree and when Remus complained they'd decided no presents this year and he hadn't bought anything for Sirius, the brunette had just wrapped his arms around the werewolf and said, 'I don't need anything. I've got everything I want right here.'

The flames in the fireplace turned green and James Potter came tumbling unceremoniously out of the Floo onto the hearth. Lily laughed and stood up to help her husband up, but before she reached him, James had leapt to his feet and his hazel eyes were roaming about the room with a desperation that made Remus' stomach clench as he spoke in a deceptively calm voice.

'James?'

'Is he here?'

Lily stopped halfway between Remus and James, staring uncomprehendingly at her agitated husband. Remus shook his head and stood up slowly, hoping his controlled movements would help slow the rushing of blood through his body and ease the panicked beating of his heart. James' eyes met his and Remus' breath caught in his chest. He swallowed hard.

'It's bad, isn't it?'

James' face paled before their eyes, and Lily quickly closed the distance between them, grasping his arm. He shook her off impatiently, striding back to the fireplace and grabbing a handful of Floo powder as he spoke fast.

'We had a mission for the Order - we weren't supposed to tell anyone. We were tracking a group of Death Eaters…'

His eyes met Remus' and the werewolf looked away, unable to stand seeing the pure fear in the usually unflappable nineteen year old's face.

'They saw us…Sirius and I got separated…I…I thought he'd gotten out…I thought he'd come back here.'

'I want to go with you.'

'No, Remus. Just…stay here. You are too…'

He stopped himself but the unspoken word resonated around the room.

_Weak._

Remus knew James meant that his strength had been depleted by the recent full moon and that finding Sirius may be too physically challenging for him right now, but it still stung that he couldn't help find his perhaps dead lover - _oh, Gods _- because he simply wasn't up to it.

'James…'

Lily's voice quavered and she took a step forward. James glanced pleadingly at Remus, who nodded and took Lily's elbow, drawing her back towards him. Her husband didn't have time to reassure her that he would return…and he didn't want to lie to her; he didn't know if he _would_ return. James gave her a quick smile and mouthed 'love you' to her before stepping back into the fireplace and throwing down the Floo powder. He called out '_Auror Department, Ministry of Magic_' then disappeared.

Lily turned to Remus, her green eyes fearful, but Remus couldn't comfort her, couldn't bring himself to say '_he'll be alright'_ when he resented her for her fear - she _knew _James was in one piece, that he was alive…Remus couldn't say the same.

Hours passed and neither spoke except to ask if the other wanted a cup of tea, or if perhaps they should try to get some sleep. Lily curled up on the couch, the flickering lights of the Christmas tree reflecting across her face, and eventually fell into a restless slumber just before midnight. Remus covered her with a blanket then, unable to tolerate the seasonal cheerfulness of the living room any longer, went to sit on the bed he and Sirius shared. He could smell the perfume of the man he couldn't remember not loving - spice, musk, sex and…he smiled sadly…wet dog, and memories flooded through him.

The first time they'd met - the bouncing, bubbly, slightly intimidating pureblood who had practically ordered Remus to become his friend.

The night all three of his friends confronted him about his lycanthropy - Sirius' fierceness when he stated irrevocably that not even the threat of Remus eating him would stop them being friends.

The first prank Remus had masterminded - the look of admiration and affection on Sirius' face just before he laughed and threw his arms around the werewolf.

The morning their friendship nearly ended - Sirius in tears as he begged Remus to forgive him for sending Severus Snape down the tunnel to the Shrieking Shack whilst Remus was transformed. That morning could have been the end of them…instead it was the beginning of something else, a new phase of their relationship.

Their first kiss - the night before they left for summer holidays at the end of their Sixth Year. Sirius had crept into his bed and they had finally given in to months of gentle flirting and surreptitious touches.

The first time they'd said 'I love you' - they'd been arguing and Sirius had screamed that if Remus disapproved of him tormenting Snape, _'why do you even stay with me?'  
_Remus had yelled back just as loudly _'because I bloody love you, you oblivious fucking prat.'_  
Sirius had been stunned into silence - a first for the Animagus - then he had smiled broadly and said, _'I love you too, you great fucking ponce.'_

And the first time they'd made love - right here in this bed. Remus had wanted to wait until they were out of school and Sirius, with much moaning, had capitulated, saying, _'Anything for you, Moony.'  
_Both of them agreed that it had been worth every second of the wait.

But this time, he was lying in this bed waiting for Sirius to come back to him…not knowing if he would be in one piece, or even if he would return at all. Remus fought down the hot tears that rose in his eyes, the heartbroken sob that wanted to escape his throat. He curled up in the middle of the bed, grabbing Sirius' pillow and holding to his face as he breathed in the scent of the Animagus.

_What will I do if something happens to him? How would I live without him?_

His rapidly filling eyes fell on the window and he saw that it had started snowing. Remus closed his eyes tight. His mother used to say a prayer on Christmas Eve, asking the Gods to keep their family and friends safe throughout the coming year, but after her death two years ago, Remus hadn't kept the tradition going.

But now, Remus sent a wish to the heavens, begging anyone who was listening to allow Sirius to come home safely to him.

* * *

The sky was getting lighter when the bedroom door creaked slowly open and footsteps made their way to where Remus lay, still clutching Sirius' pillow tight to his chest as he stared unseeingly out the window at the falling snow.

'Rem?'

Remus started, snapping his head around fast then letting out a strangled sob of relief when he saw not the long, red hair he'd expected, but tousled, raven-coloured hair that he knew smelled of coconut. He flew out of the bed and threw himself at Sirius who, in turn, held onto the werewolf for dear life.

'I thought you were…_Sirius_… I was so bloody _scared_…'

'I know…I'm sorry, babe, I'm so sorry.'

Remus breathed in deep, letting the scent of his lover fill his every cell then pulled back, eyes greedily taking in every inch of Sirius' face.

'Are you hurt? What happened?'

'No. No, I'm ok. I changed into Padfoot and lost them, but I was stuck where I was until they left…Gods, Rem.' He grasped Remus' face hard. 'I kept thinking what if I never saw you again…'

He blinked rapidly then pressed his lips desperately to Remus', the brown-haired man returning the kiss just as fervently. They fell back onto their bed, wriggling as they tried to get as close as they could possibly be. Clothes were discarded quickly, lips barely leaving each other for a second as they rocked against each other, urgently needing to feel the other's kiss, to smell their scent, taste the different flavours of their skin as they mumbled '_I love you_' over and over and over…

As they lay tangled together later - their breathing slowing, hearts thumping in tandem - they trailed their hands and lips over each other languidly, neither wanting to let go of the other again. Light from the uncovered window cut across the bed and Sirius smiled into Remus' neck.

'I managed to keep my promise anyway. I'm home for Christmas.'

Remus murmured an agreement and kissed the brunette, lips lingering. When he finally pulled back, he whispered, 'Merry Christmas, Padfoot.'

Sirius smiled and skimmed a finger along the edge of Remus' bottom lip before planting a kiss on his roughened chin.

'Merry Christmas, my Moony.'

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_Horrid? Not bad? Let me know in a review :)_


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